vixxiv.net

When you’re in Thailand, there’s one thing which I think you must do.

Watch kickboxing!

Since it’s like the national sport of Thailand, I think it’s something which you must not miss no matter what. It’s almost like how you must eat French Fries in France. (Don’t let your ignorant friends tell you otherwise)

Plus, what’s not to love about kickboxing? Men kicking the shit out of each other, blood gushing out of the body like a water sprinkler and best of all, scorching hot ring girls carrying a sign around the ring during the match intervals. It’s the ultimate men’s entertainment!

However…I ended up here instead.

At Simon Cabaret, a cabaret show performed by… ladyboys.

How did I end up here instead of watching a bloodbath in a kickboxing arena? Well, let’s just say this Phuket trip had taught me well about NOT bringing The Girlfriend along when I travel next time…

So I ended up buying a pair of tickets to see ladyboys dancing. Could be worse though; I could have bought a pair of tickets to have ladyboys dancing on my lap yes, this is a desperate attempt to con myself into believing it’s worthy.

Besides the show itself, Simon Cabaret also provided transport to take us from our hotel to the place and back.

Though I wasn’t exactly keen on travelling in this van because it’s like announcing to the world that I was going to watch you-know-who doing you-know-what at you-know-where.

When I got on the van, there were already passengers in it; all of them were couples. Instinctively, I gave the guys the so-your-girlfriend-slash-wife-forced-you-to-watch-ladyboys-dancing-too-huh look. Which they promptly responded by giving me the yeah-man-I-wanted-to-watch-kickboxing-actually nod.

Yes, we the girlfriends’ victims can communicate using just gestures.

This was how it looked like inside the place. They performed on the stage and, as you can see, I was seated quite near to the stage. So I actually got to see all of the actions upfront.

Without further ado, here are ladyboys:

I hope none of you actually got excited from these pictures.

Some of the them really looked like ladyboys in the sense that you know they were ladyboys immediately after you saw them. However, there were also some who looked like Korean pop stars.

In fact, I almost thought this one was from Girls’ Generation.

And it was a torrid time for me when these un-ladyboy-like ladyboys dressed skimpily and performed provocatively during the show. I had to constantly tell myself, or rather my wiener, not to get an erection… which if it did, I will personally castrate it, dip it into hot chili sauce, deep-fry it with KFC leftover oil and feed it to the cows.

If you’re wondering what happened to my wiener, yes, it’s still attached to my body and fully functional now. But I do not wish to disclose the matter any further. Just like what they say in Vegas, what happened in Phuket stays in Phuket…

ANYWAY! Although it was a bad experience for me (The Girlfriend particularly enjoyed it, by the way), I doubt I was the one who suffered the most during the show.

There was a kid in there too that night.

I hope when he grows up, he won’t wanna see the world, drive nice cars and most importantly, have boobies.