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In case you didn’t know, I went to Hainan earlier this year to conduct a ritual for my late grandparents. I didn’t really want to go, but as the eldest paternal grandson, I was forced to go.

The reason why I didn’t want to go was because I cannot speak Mandarin, let alone Hainanese. Even before I went there I already foresaw I was going to have a difficult time communicating with the locals there.

Since I was unable to escape from the inevitable gloom, I tried to find someone to teach me how to speak Hainanese, which wasn’t easy at all since people who speak Hainanese nowadays are almost like the Bigfoot – you cannot freaking find them in real life.

Luckily for me, I did find one in the end.

My ex-colleague, Jaime, happens to be a half-Hainanese like me and know how to speak the language. She managed to pass me some knowledge before I went to Hainan.

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When I was a kid, my aunties used to tell me about the dreadful life in Hainan (my late grandparents were from there), portraying the island like a third world country. I didn’t really believe much of their stories, but there’s one which did leave a lasting impression in my head forever.

That I have to pee or shit by the road surrounded by tall grass and cover myself with an umbrella because there’s no proper toilet in Hainan. And a snake will enter my butthole if I’m not careful enough.

Such was my innocence, I actually believed that (only the former; definitely not the latter). So when I went to Hainan a few months ago (with little help from Jetstar), I actually brought along an umbrella. You know, just in case.

But thankfully, after I landed at the airport, I saw this.

REAL-LIFE FUNCTIONAL TOILET! AND IT’S FLUSHABLE!

AND LOOK!

OMFGBBQ THEY EVEN HAD AUTOMATIC SENSOR FAUCET!

That’s it. If heaven really does exist, it must look like this.

A few months ago, I had an Epic Road Trip with two of my buddies, Ethan and Dennis.

The reason we drove over 2000km was because both of them were about to further their studies in England but before they left, they wanted to travel around Malaysia. You know, just to explore our own backyard before we cast our eyes on others’. So off we went, and it was one of the funnest trips I had.

During the trip, I brought along an extra car key just in case I got the one I was using lost in a cow dung or eaten by a monitor lizard (you will never know).

I gave it to Ethan for safekeeping.

This is Ethan.

Thankfully, my car key didn’t get lost in a cow dung or eaten by a monitor lizard and we resumed our normal daily life after the trip.

However, Ethan forgot to return the key to me and…

THAT GUY LEFT FOR ENGLAND WITH MY CAR KEY!!!

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One of my current fav shows is the Running Man.

Not this Running Man starring Arnold Scharkernifgowger. THIS.

If you enjoy watching variety shows like Super Trio or Saturday Night Live, I highly recommend my readers (all 12 of you) to pick up this South Korean variety show. I can honestly tell you I have never laughed so hard in my life when I’m watching the show. It’s the funniest show EVER.

And you know I’m not kidding when I used all three major font styles.

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When you’re in Thailand, there’s one thing which I think you must do.

Watch kickboxing!

Since it’s like the national sport of Thailand, I think it’s something which you must not miss no matter what. It’s almost like how you must eat French Fries in France. (Don’t let your ignorant friends tell you otherwise)

Plus, what’s not to love about kickboxing? Men kicking the shit out of each other, blood gushing out of the body like a water sprinkler and best of all, scorching hot ring girls carrying a sign around the ring during the match intervals. It’s the ultimate men’s entertainment!

However…I ended up here instead.

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